Cracking Book

Changes

2006-06-28T21:29:00.000-04:00

A lot of changes are coming up, and as much as I want them and as much as they are needed - I am scared to death. I feel as if I am standing on a cliff, looking down to the water and knowing, that I have to jump.
Now I know that can swim. I know that I will not drown - but to just jump is the hardest part of everything. Starting anything to make a change is the hardest thing in life - I think - at least for me. :-)

Anyway - yes, I have a lot of dreams and aspirations. Some of them are so crazy and far fetched that people call me mad, a hopeless dreamer and unrealistic - but how do you know unless you try?
If I want to be making $10,000 in ten years every month back to back for the rest of your life- and if there would be a way - would you not try it?

Logic and Heart

2006-04-24T15:53:00.000-04:00

One makes a decision because of logic or by heart. Either one goes for it because it makes sense, or ones does it because it feels right.

The two like to fight each other.... Yet in the long run, don't you think it's logical to follow the matters of your heart and faith?

Need to focus...

2006-04-11T20:15:00.001-04:00

:) There are too many things going on at the moment and the fact that I'm going to be married in two months has nothing to do with it. LOL!

But honestly, we finally got a date and all the other things my fiance and I want to do at the at the moment is truely insane. I wish we could focus on one thing at the time and not try everything at once...

I mean, we want a house, which, btw, he have been offered one in Maine, but since we can't live there for another 1-2 years, we want to look around for one here in CT until we go up there.
Then he wants a store for his card-gaming and his friends...

I really want to edit my book and finished, and at the same time I want to get truely going with my friend Kat on a comic-version for it... She is so good! :D

At the same time, money needs to come in now to cover the bills like rent and the usual stuff... no wonder I'm sick again. :D .... :(
I sleep and eat horribly and push my body to the edge... Again, I don't mind! - but it's still not good for the body. ^^; Mind over matter - right...

I think there is only so much I can do... if I could only settle on one thing - which is no problem, but since I want to do them all and my dear fiance (God knows how much I love him :D ) comes out seemingly every day with a different plan, as in "we need to get (insert) going and then that..."

That is all good and well... but not all at once. It's not going to kill me - I'm a fighter in the end and know what I want - but too much will surely burn me out and then I will not finish a single thing.

Need to focus...

2006-04-11T20:15:00.000-04:00

:) There are too many things going on at the moment and the fact that I'm going to be married in two months has nothing to do with it. LOL!

But honestly, we finally got a date and all the other things my fiance and I want to do at the at the moment is truely insane. I wish we could focus on one thing at the time and not try everything at once...

I mean, we want a house, which, btw, he have been offered one in Maine, but since we can't live there for another 1-2 years, we want to look around for one here in CT until we go up there.
Then he wants a store for his card-gaming and his friends...

I really want to edit my book and finish and at the same time get working with my friend Kat on a comic-version for it...

At the same time, money needs to come in now to cover the bills like rent and the usual stuff... no wonder I'm sick again. :D .... :(

I think there is only so much I can do... if I could only settle on one thing - which is no problem, but since I want to do them all and my dear fiance (God knows how much I love him :D ) comes out seemingly every day with a different plan, as in "we need to get (insert) going and then that..."

That is all good and well... but not all at once. It's not going to kill me - I'm a fighter in the end and know what I want - but too much will surely burn me out and then I will not finish a single thing.

A small problem resolved

2006-04-10T00:10:00.000-04:00

Nothing big but still a blast for me to find out. :D I believed for the last half a year that my book would not be available to people through bookstores. Meaning, since it's POD, bookstores do not carry them anymore.

That is very true with Borders but not with Barnes and Noble. :) I was very happy about the fact that people can go there and order it and that will help me very much revise and republish it, because I know that the story is good.

Wrestlemania 22

2006-04-02T23:31:00.000-04:00

I am not a huge WWE fan, but I do consider myself a faithfull watcher of the show and I do know enough names that one will find out, that I follow the happenings rather well.

:D Today was Wrestlemania and it was one of the best I've seen... but that is beside the point. I picked a personal fav very early after I started watching the WWE and to be honest - three years ago... yes, he was popular and fantastic in his style... yet, people watching the WWE always gave me the impression that he would never make it up to a HHH or other Champions - alone because of his size. (He is the smallest - yet fastest! - in the WWE (as far as I can tell :D ) .

Either way - today - he won. He's the WWE Heavy Weight Champion - and I still can't believe it. Alone because he's such a tiny - NON-'heavy-weight' ... ^^;

Either way! You go Rey! ^^

Pirate's Game

2006-03-30T23:25:00.000-05:00

In the long run, I believe that nothing great is achieved over night and that things should just fall into place if one is 'destined' ( big word - :D ) to do so.

Well, I don't think I'll ever have a carrer on stage, but I do have a part of the Simsbury Light Opera Company (Sloco) over the next two weekends - playing a pirate and opening the play. :D I'm not saying a thing, just shoving four boats across the stage and try to look as goofy as possible (since it's sorta a funny play) (don't know if I agree with that.. :D )

Anyway... It's fun and I am very proud to be part of the tradition of Sloco to show a stage-play ever year at the Simsbury High School. :D Besides the fact that the students look upon you as stupid walking in all dressed up - but that is part of being an entertainer - making people react in any way possible - and hopefully make them laugh out loud!

Book's Story

2006-03-27T01:02:00.000-05:00

There are many things I wanted to do over the last years. But the one I wanted more than anything else was to get my story published, people reading and enjoying it.
My book has now been published for almost a year. I’m not doing a thing with it – why is a post by itself…

What I have to settle more for myself at the moment is that fact that I can’t explain what my book is all about in the first place.
“Tell me, what is your book about?” – I heard that question so many times, and every time I answer, I never have the feeling that I hit the spot – so, I got to find the spot without starting to tell the hours of the history concerning the world my book plays in.

My book tells the story of a universe, as we know it, which is torn between two sides. The side of the Gods, who rule the nations of the universe; and the Shasar, who live to bring down the power of the Gods and allow the nations to live free.

Still, the nations cannot relate and truly trust either form of godly presentation and have therefore been given the Prince of the Universe.

He is destined to rule the universe in the place of the Gods, one, watched over by the Shasar and the mediator between the mortals of the universe, and the immortal ones, who have been there before time.

On his journey, he must learn and do many things, including the decision to be on either side of the powers of his world. Yet in the end, everything evolves around one question even he cannot answer.

There is a power greater than him – one who called him to be Prince of the Universe – one who could do his job so much better and with ease. Why? … Why was he made the Ruler of the Realm in the Shadow of the Stars when does who protect him have the power to do the same?

Hurting to help?

2006-03-15T23:55:00.000-05:00

It is hard to do things for somebody else - especially when it involves helping somebody. Or hurting them... How often has it been said?
It is ok to hurt somebody if it helps them. Like, leave someone if he or she is using you. Smart? The right thing to do? Probably, but not easy...

Stupid!

2006-03-14T00:00:00.000-05:00

:) You know - this really sucks! I had just now a few paragraphs written - nice ones too - about the story I was writing, the book that is published and... I deleted it all. Why? Because someone who would read it could steel it and publish it!

How stupid was that? That is so not possible, (in a sense) because the story is published... but it really gave me a jolt and I thought it was for now more important to post that fact than the lines I had written about my story.

Really strange... It is amazing what fear can do to us...

Wedding-Pastor

2006-03-12T16:22:00.000-05:00

I have been looking for a pastor who is ging to marry Josh and me for some time now, but it was not until today that I knew who it would be. :D Josh's old church has a new pastor and I went there to meet him and see how the church was doing... and I was struck by him.
He, Pastor J. doesn't know it yet - but in my head - he's officially the wedding-pastor. :D

Random thoughts...

2006-03-09T23:06:00.000-05:00

I always thought that having plans for the future is a great and important thing... It is, but at the same time, they give me a lot of problems. Why? Because I got too many of them.

I want so much - and I know that everything is attainable - yet, I seem to get nowhere. Maybe I'm just impatient, maybe I should focus on one goal at the time to atcually get somewhere instead of floating around, barely moving foreward in any of them.

Then again, I think it's just like teaching a child multipe languages from the start. They will be much slower compared to the children their age, but as soon as things click, the child is fluent and makes a much smarter impression that the others - with all due respect!

So, what do I do? Stick around and just wait for things to happen? Don't know. I just know that my speed - or lack thereoff is driving me mad. ^^;

Every goal...

2006-03-05T00:17:00.000-05:00

Every goal comes with a path. One needs to walk the distance and do what one must to get where one wants to be.
The higher the goal, the longer the way and usually, the steaper the cliff. But ...
one likes to hang on the wall - just sit there - exhausted, overwhelmed - thinking of letting go and just falling. It's so easy to fall - it happens by itself. You move without moving - but what does it do? Nothing. You move downhill.

You want to get on top of your aspirations. You need to work for it. You need to learn to have patience, perservirence and confidence that nobody can stop you. Because frankly, nobody has the right to stop what you want to do with your life. The only one who can is you!

What in the world are publishers doing?

2005-08-02T12:25:00.000-04:00

I remember being a young teen, reading books and soon getting bored by the stories around me - no offence. I had read 'classics' like The Neverending Story, The famous Five, was raised on the Brother Grimm stories and others... but I started to feel bored soon, because the 'new and unread' stories started to develop very soon a lack of topics I was interested in. (And that was without schools fault!)

Mysterious people, murder, friendship, adventure, betrayal, secrets, loyaly, integrity! and all that other good stuff. :) so I started writing my own story... ^^; little arrogant, but that's what it was. It made me feel better and keep my love for books and stories.

Then, just over the last days it hit me. It is getting worse! Have you ever been in a bookstore with 'open eyes'? What about airports, supermarkets, any CVS and other places where books are sold?

They all carry the same 20 books! Doesn't matter where you are! You can go to any airport in the US, you'll find the same books, even in Germany and England do most of them match. (I remember all that now, but it just hit me over the last days). Everywhere you got you can only find the top bestsellers...

Here is the thing. The 'book-world' cries about the fact that they are dying. The average person may not know this, but truth is, they are. People don't want to invest in books anymore. And why? To give one example: because they are so freaking expensive. (I know that for sure. Most books I'd like to read are way over my allowance ^^; )

But I also believe it is not always the pricing, which has to be so high because the distrubitiors and whole-salers decide what they want to put out - not the publishers! So they only want to invest into books that are similar in style and proven to sell.. nobody want's to risk in something orginal!

Why? Because it is not 'the NEXT Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Da Vinci Code' . It is not like them and therefore will not sell. How about they start asking ' what is the FIRST (....) not the NEXT? Hope you get what I mean..

Back to the fact that the book-industry is dying (despite Rowling and Brown, who keep it alive at the moment ^^; )

I think the publishers and especially the people who disribute books should stop doing what they are doing and be a little less 'wise' about their knowlegde on what the reader wants to read. Especially because the bestsellers can only be around so long until EVERYONE has bought them. Not like we have choice. You can only read the books that are made available to the public, right?

The reader is no much smarter than that and I believe that the readers wants more variety in topics - no copycats!

An old story refreshed

2005-07-27T01:14:00.000-04:00

:) A few things have happened yesterday with the book... new thoughts, ideas, infos and comments... and to be honest, they all really inspired me.

I don't think it's personal in any matter, but Peggy, my step-ma helped me yesterday more with my book than my Papi and Mami ever had. And not because they never had an interest, but just because they can't. I do believe my Mami will eventually... but Peggy simly had her hands on the book first - so it's not really fair to say this... - My Papi and books just don't work. For his sake, I can only wish for a single movie one day...^^

Anyway... Peggy read Kalif's book and it was the first time, that somebody told me that the story caused tears. That was the biggest compliment I could get - ever! And we talked about the book, writing and suggestions from her end for some time...

Thinking back to a time where both my Papi and Peggy did not seem to understand and actually worry.. now Peggy knows what is going on in my head and it's actually freaky!

Listening to her suggestions and words... I finally felt the courage and strenght to do what I had wanted to do for weeks. Go and change the book - again. Then to resubmit it and then, in a better format and with less mistakes to republish it and finally send it around to publishing houses and even awards... and whatever else I can come up with.

Point is, the book is a the moment a pure amature-piece of art, but I will always love it, because it is just that - the beginning of a story! :)

Sorry, too stubborn to give in

2005-07-23T23:29:00.000-04:00

You know, things happen for a reason and every human on this planet knows how it feels like to fail at something. Everybody knows how it feels when people come up to you and say: 'That is not possible', or 'That's too hard'... 'you won't make it.' Who has not heard these words?

I'm sick and tired of them! Funny thing is though, that I'm not really sure who it is that gives me the feeling that I'm being held back, pushed down to the ground... not able to get where I want to go. Not for recognition or even as much as fame, but just because I want to be there. It's like a normal job. Things like being a teacher, grocery-clerk... I don't really care what job-title you want to put there, but... nobody ever tells those people they can't do it. Why?

All this is not important anymore, because I know where I want to be and if it means to work harder, get a harder shell and be a little more risky... I'll do it! I have nothing to lose. I have a great family, fiance and cat!!! :D... who is way to fluffy for this world! - XD - ... so, considering all the changes in the publishing world, I guess I have to get my sword sharpened again and make sure I get some thicker armor.

Because now the real fight starts. I will continue to self-promote my self-pub book, but I will also work on getting in into the more proffesional aspect of the industry. Yes... it will take some time, but I just have this belief that this story is great... different from so many others out there and I want to spoil the people around me with it so bad! That is what I want to do.. tell a story, get people involved and then see how much they trust me in my job or not.

I know I'm not the only person out there who has such aspirations, but talking to many of them, I surely will not give up as fast as so many have already done... too many!

Bookstores doors closed!

2005-07-22T00:12:00.000-04:00

I think these words would have sounded much more upset and emotional if I had written them a couple days ago... so I'm glad that I didn't. Otherwise I would feel like an idiot right now and I have enough talent to achieve that without the need of a blog.. :D

Anyway.. I was very emotional because of certain news that reached me from the publishing industry. "Ingram will not stock any POD/self-published books anymore."

Words with no meaning to those who don't know... well, for me, that pretty much meant that my book was offically not available in bookstores anymore. While just last month, anybody could walk into borders and barnes&noble to order the book right from their cataloge... you can't anymore... and the same for everybody else who has a self-published book..

I remember feeling insulted... discriminated!!! and just kicked and stepped all over... what in the world was that all for?
well, I'm over the anger by now and deal with things... still, I have lost a major market... not everybody likes buying stuff online and most of my chosen audience - teens - have no creditcards.. or are simply not of age... And what parent wants to buy a book for their kid from the internet? not many, sure of that...

Introducing: Artist of the World

2005-07-18T23:47:00.000-04:00

No complaints or cryings.. just something I could watch over the last weeks... especially being an artist myself.

We all want to be feed, but we don't feed anybody... I've been talking to fellow artists a lot over the last two months... almost every day and I came across the situation, that they all wanted to talk about their own story, but barely ever about my own. With only one person, I've achieved that we deal on the same level. We mix our stories up, talk about our ideas and characters... but the other way... it's more a 'me' talking about 'them'

That doesn't bother me - alone because I like talking about other worlds - love books/stories and reading! ---- but... there is just no want to focus on somebody else... why?

Especially on artists - it's almost as if that is the frame: 'yes, I talk with you about your story and hope you're going to buy my book, but I surely will not buy yours' then I can drop you...

almost like a new religion and it's clearly turning the average public away - I mean, ask a normal person if they wanted to sit down with an failing writer/artist and they will tell you - NO! - even when they are full of themselves.. they will say - NO!
I would like to know why they are not read... I'm reading many of these 'lost' writers at the moment and most of them are incredible... I just don't understand

We want to be feed and don't feed others... yet, if we would do... we would all be better off.

Selling at ConnetiCon and Harry Potter 6

2005-07-18T00:14:00.000-04:00

well, I'm actually a day with this... shows how I truely felt about it... :D Honestly, I am still wondering how I got through the night of the 15 through the 16 of this month.

Now, I don't consider myself a HP fanatic - but I do have all the books (US), the first four in german and from the orginal publisher from the UK - got the movies... but no, I do not need to own everything connected with Harry Potter. - oh yea, I have book 3 and 5 on tape... and I have a cpuple bios of JK... my own artwork of Harry (www.faraith.deviantart.com) and yes... I guess I am worse than I thought - lol

Anyway... I stood nevertheless in line before and after midnight to get the book, knowing that I would not get any sleep - without reading the book! - before 3 in the morning. Just to get less than four hourse later gpoing to get to ConneticCon... to sell my own book.

What is ConnectiCon? A rather new convention held now every year in Hartford, CT which focuses on anime/fantasy/sci-fi = art. I had a blast, although they did not have a table reserved for me. ^^; I was in the database... but no table. For some times, the managers of the convention ran around to find a place for me...and so did I being send around to find them in the first place - :D - and found out that there was no room... what to do?

I got very lucky! I got a table right at the entrance were all the other people of future conventions made their material public. Sure - at first I felt rather rejected ^^; because I was not in one of the three rooms were all the other arists were... but the situation turned around on me.

People came and bought the book as I had never seen before - I actually ran out of change! ^^;
It went so much better than I had expected. And I guess... I was very lucky to have been overlooked... and got a spot in the welcoming area... there was not another artist around me to get the attention of the viewer off my stuff.

That may sound vane - but from a business POV, it was the best thing that could have happened to me... and I am very thankfull. Thanks so much to everyone who took interest and bought the book! Thank you so much! You made my day!!!

Between two worlds

2005-07-07T10:41:00.000-04:00

I've seen a show a couple days ago and while I was perplexed at the topics, I believe I could have cared less. But it doesn't leave me.
It was about the foreign relationships between the US and Europe. Yes, everybody knows that Europe is not thinking to kind of the US at the moment, especially France, Italy, England and Germany. Probably others as well... and there copmes the problem in.
I am from Germany and over the last years, espeically remembering the last time I have been there... I remember being treated differently. Not hated, yet my old friends were hot to disagree with me on almost everything I said. They could not believe that I would choose to live in the US.
All this was barely a year after 9/11 and things are seemingly not getting better.
Granted, in the beginning, three years ago, I thought that my friends and sometimes family were just that hard because they did not want me to leave and were still holding a grudge because of the way I left in the first place...
Now, I saw and heard words from people in Europe and I believe I understand a few more things. I heard words that things might get better when Bush is gone and that Europe misses the America it used to be.
:) - What is that supossed to mean? America was trusting and open to the world, then it got stabbed and now we're somewhat paranoid. Over-protective. Yes, maybe thats exageration on our part, but could we be blamed for that?
Can I be blamed for that? Especiallyt being one who calls both sides home - what wopuld happen if we would toatlly split apart? I would lose either my life, or my heritage... the place I was bron and raised in. I can't picture either, but if it shall happen this way... well, I guess I have to decide then, but I will not before.
Can I be blamed for that?

Stop staring, please!

2005-06-29T01:58:00.000-04:00

:) I don't really know how to put this... I think I'm feeling a little lost...

People ask about my book, buy my book - heck, the first month was better than I thought! But yet, people don't talk about it. I guess that's fair... why should they talk before and around me, but could they at least tell me that they hate my stuff?

I think getting people interested and them buying the book is a lot easier than them actually saying anything about it. I don't think I'm imagining things.

I have a friend for example... ever since he bought and assumingly read the book, he's been acting differently about me. People stare at me and I... don't know what to do with that!

Fine. I wrote a book. You can buy it everywhere on this planet, but please! Don't put me higher than I should be. I'm not out of reach, especially if the story/idea - whatever you want it to be, sucks. Just tell me, please!

First Book Signing

2005-06-23T12:45:00.000-04:00

It's funny. I have my first book signing tomorrow night. Its going to be in a place I've been many times before and never thought that this would be the place were I would display my books for the first time...

Big deal. :D Who goes to a book signing with not even 20 books at hand? I should be fine, but I feel rather stupid about the entire thing. There haven't been any comercials... well, I guess that's fine. It's the first one and I can't expect too much. I may be lucky to just sell two books and have people look at my work at all.

Anyway. I will also be at Connetic-Con in Hartford in July and my Manager at work is in the middle of planing an appearance through Shaw's Supermarkets... XD... what writer does that? Supermarkets?

But hey, I think it's exellent publicicity. People don't always come into a book store to buy things, but just to brows. In a grocery store, people are prepared to spend money...

well, I'll see how things are going to be going...

putting the book on hold

2005-06-07T21:17:00.000-04:00

Putting the book on a hold - I think that is one of my smarter ideas concerning my story this year. I will put a two month hold on it over the next months, because there are just too many mistakes in there that shouldn't be.

And I'm not talking about little grammer problems, which will stay for the sake of the stories sound, but the serious lack of words, usage of totally wrong words or wrong tenses.

One of the best examples that have to go is in chapter 31, where Philip tells Steris :"So far, you have not tried to kill a person dear to me or myself..."

Or in the Epilogue, when Kalif sees everything around him transform :"Kalif watched the happenings around him with lightened, but otherwise calm."

Me or myself? Lightened - what?
What in the world was I thinking and writing instead?

Well, it is stuff like that that just has to go and I think it's worth the $200 it will cost me. Plus, I believe as well that I will have more confidence in everything when I know that mistakes like these will not be in the book anymore.

I'll probably offer the option of exchange from the first copy for a new copy of the book, if that should come across from anybody who had bought the book in its older form.

Publication of the book

2005-05-24T01:01:00.000-04:00

Here I thought that I would be excited when my book is available to the public. To search, find and see it on sites like amazon.com or any bookstore computer... it would have been the last prove to so many things...

But no, there is nothing... Actually, that is not true. It is more like, "yea, that's normal, right?" What's the big dead about it? I wanted it, got it and now I will work as hard as i can to make it my career. In the end, it is just the same as with every other job out there. I have obligations... things to write...

There is really no difference between me and a person working in the retail business - oh, what i do by the way. If that person wants to do that with his/her whole heart, there will be sucess and happiness. That is all I want and writing gives it to me. It is my job and I take it that seriously. Just as a teller in a bank - I better do my job right, otherwise I'm out of business and have to find something else, what i really don't want to do, because I found what I need to do to be happy.

Waiting for the Book

2005-05-14T23:14:00.000-04:00

Well, this is it. I got the final e-mail, which said that the book is in final production. The next time I will see it is going to be in book format.

It's going to be another two-four weeks, but what is a months, when one waited for almost ten years? Nothing...

The funny thing is that I am not really excited about it. That is, I'm not feeling bubblely (is that a word?- :) -). I'm not waiting impatiently for the package with the books. I actually forget about it for a few days and then, usually when I check my e-mail, I see the message from Janet and it all comes back.

Sometimes I wonder what happened to all the excitement I had for the story just a couple years ago. I still have it, don't get me wrong, but something calmed me down. Maybe, subconsciously, I started to believe that it will never happen - or I'm in denial that it actually does- :D.

Well, let's see how I'm going to react when I actually hold the book.

Broadway knocking

2005-05-09T23:48:00.000-04:00

The most important thing that I have learned over the last years is that one needs connections to have sucess in the entertainment world. And they are impossible to get, right?

Who knows George Lucas, Mel Gibson or Peter Jackson? A few... but who has their phone numbers? Who dares to call them, would even get through to them? Their employers do, but you and me sure don't.

They would just look at us and their "bodyguards" would push us away, without asking who we are, because... we are nobody.

If you ever start to believe that, drop everything you believe in! Quit! Because it is not worth it!The person who believes to be great - just have sucess on a "enough" stage - will never even come close.

Picture a staircase.

People like you and me are on the bottom, people like George Lucas are on top. So who is on step one, two, three... fifty?

Nobody can jump from the bottom to the top. Look for the people that stand just a step or two above you, or at least live on that stage.

And they are all around us.

Just today, I have met a person who played with Barbara Streisand on Broadway many years ago. His name is Ron.

I don'y know much about him, since I only spoke with him for about half an hour. But he is those steps higher than me. He has experience and can help, give advice - like a mentor.

Maybe it won't help, but to put everything in short: Look for artists that are just a little higher than you and when you are on their level, go to the next and next. Follow the latter and one day, one can be on top.

Because one thing I know is that fourty years ago, George Lucas was normal "kid" , just like I am today. And you! Talk about what you want to do. Ask for help, find people with the same interest and find out who they know - you may be surprised where things can end up!

Why my book 'sounds' funny

2005-04-28T12:46:00.000-04:00

I watched a commentary from George Lucas last night, on how he made A new Hope all these years ago. I am not the biggest Star Wars Fan, but his words reminded me of what I'm going through at the moment.

He said that so many people disagreed and doubted his movies, because it had been never made before. He ran into so many problems, including money and his own perfection - nothing was ever the way he wanted - but the way it had to be, because that is all he could do.

It was something new, a foolish idea. But he had this belief that it would work. His story would work even thogh his friends told him otherwise...

I had friends telling me the same thing, but nobody was louder about towards that subject than myself.

I have this idea, that I want to tell a story in a new dialect, with bad grammar and other problems. ... - THAT COULD SO BACKFIRE ON ME!!

But I just believe that it is part of the story, since the story has its origion in a totally different world - and I want the book, The Prince of the Universe, be part of that world. I want it to be as close to it as possible and part of it is the language spoken in the Realm, the home of my characters.

So only two things can happen now. Either, it backfires on me and people will complain that they cannot read the story, or people ignore the grammer and take the story for what it is.

It is written simple enough and has been read by people in their teens to people in their fourties. Only one told me that he could not get through the grammar, but all the others had no problems.

Finally, I guess it will depend on very single person and their judgment. Read it and enjoy it, or don't. Just as it is with every other book and writer. You either don't like them, or you do.

Been there, done that - again

2005-04-22T14:45:00.000-04:00

I named it the wall. I don't know yet what it is, but it reminds me of the feeling of running into something constantly, getting hurt and running back into it again.

Over time, one doesn't only start to feel dizzy, but also stupid and frustrated. I guess that is how I feel at the moment - totally frustrated with myself.

I got the book back from the publisher and just as I expected - there are still mistakes in there... SIGH! Man that is annoying!

I have no idea how many people read the story by now and they all did not catch this, or that? Including myself? ... :)

Oh well, let's go for it again...

Self-publish? - Are you stupid?

2005-04-14T23:07:00.000-04:00

This is so stupid! This is just like a term-paper or a book. You know what you want to write, yet you can't start, because nothing is good enough. It's always that stupid!

Good, now the page has some words on it. - :)

Here is what I want to write about:

1. I'm going to be a published writer. I'm going to have my own book out - what so many people doubted.
I wanted to make them feel bad, return to them as soon as the book is out, but now... I'm so happy about it happening, that I don't want to make them feel bad anymore. They probably feel bad enough as it is - and proud, what is partly what I always wanted. Them standing behind me, so why hold a grudge?

2. - was there a second? ??? :) I guess not.
Well, actually, there is. I had my first public appearance and now my old High School is all into having me speak in front of their classes as well. The press is going to be there...

That's just great. Talking in front of a few was fine, talking about hundred+ ...

I guess I want it to happen. Since the book is self-published... oh yeah, self-published - that just makes it great! What kind of writer am I? That bad and blind so I cannot understand that publisher and agents don't want me?

No. I had the interest of a proper agency and they wanted to represent me, but I turned them down.

Why did I do that? Well, I guess I think and write about that later.